This is a post I’ve been writing off and on for a few months. It’s about music and how much it’s helped me through this period of my life. And I figured before I just jump right in, I should give a little update as to how I’m doing.
In all honesty, I have been very busy since my last blog post. I am currently in week 4 of the class I’m taking online, Foundations of Communication. My body is feeling probably 90%, almost back to normal. We have our boys in swimming lessons. I’m working just like before my diagnosis. We enjoyed Halloween and have already pivoted to setting up our Christmas decorations (sorry, Thanksgiving). I even installed a toilet last weekend! My intake of Advil or Aleve has decreased significantly. I’m feeling like myself daily, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Oh and the mustache is still growing. Here’s an updated image:
Now, on with the new post!
When I get sad, I listen to music. When I’m happy I also listen to music. When I feel very average I will listen to music. Music has been my escape since I was a kid. It’s also been communal for me. I am listening to music right now (Khruangbin…no words, I can write as I listen…perfect situation)! I love dissecting songs with friends. I like to dissect them with just myself. I like hoarding some songs that I like and others, I prefer to share. I have loved introducing my kids to the music that I love the most.
I remember when my parents would put on this 45 RPM single of “Hair” by the Cowsills when I was a kid. I always thought it was the coolest song. That particular single was warped and would skip at the same place every time. I credit this as the beginning of my obsession with music, with records, etc. I was thankful that Mom and Dad didn’t stifle the music I liked (although Mom DID once throw away my Green Day “Dookie” CD. Granted it had some language I probably didn’t need to hear at my young age.). When driving, my dad endured my music choices for years…everything from Fastball to Garbage to Foo Fighters to Weird Al to Relient K to Weezer to Offspring to AFI. He never complained a single time.
But my parents also introduced me to a world of great music before my time. My Dad loved (and loves) the Beatles. I also grew to love them as well, and George Harrison (my favorite Beatle) is in my regular rotation of music I listen to. He also told me stories of his dad loving Creedence Clearwater Revival, and he did too, and so do I. Mom was a big fan of Elvis. I also really enjoy listening to him – he had an unmatched voice, was a Mississippi boy, and lived a fascinating life. Plus, he covered almost every song he could before his death. He left us a wealth of music to dig through.
I pull energy from music. And conversely, when tragedy strikes, it hurts. I mourned for Taylor Hawkins this year. I never met the man but I saw him live at least 6 times. I felt like I knew him. The Foo Fighters are my favorite band of all time. I grew up with them. Their first album came out when I was 12 and I have never stopped listening. Same with Weezer. I find musicians I identify with and just keep listening.
When I found out I might have cancer and then subsequently that yes, I did have cancer, I sort of subconsciously started wearing Foo Fighters shirts every day. After the third day I noticed and just kept it going. (Note here that I have a LOT of FF merch from over the years.) It was comforting. I listened to their slow songs when I was sad, loud songs when I needed a jolt.
Around this time I decided to create a playlist to encapsulate the songs that were giving me strength. I drew songs from my past, pulled current songs I loved. Actually, I’m just going to link the playlist below. Currently I use Apple Music, but will probably recreate the playlist on Spotify and YouTube as well and update this post. It’s ever growing. Some of the songs have deep spiritual meaning to me. Some of them are just certified bops. Some I heard once and thought wow, that’s a cool song. Anyway here is the playlist! I’ll be writing some more intentional thoughts about the songs in future posts.
If you decide to listen to the songs, I would love to know what you think about them. I find myself adding new tracks almost daily.
I have an appointment on December 8th to do bloodwork and labs, and on the 12th I will find out what my future holds with cancer. I am at peace regardless of the outcome. I will be sure to update this blog (and all of you) when that date comes. I appreciate your concern and prayers and positive messages, every single one of them. Thanks again for reading!
“Music washes away from the soul, the dust of everyday life.” Unknown