It happened so fast. Pt. 1

Like, super fast.

I woke up at 3:30 AM on Friday, September 9, 2022. My dog (who is in the midst of a lengthy battle with lymphoma) was scratching at the back door. I stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen to let him out, avoiding the inevitable accident that would result in me mopping at this unwelcome hour. As I watched him run into the backyard, I realized I could probably use the restroom too. That’s when I noticed it.

My right testicle was very swollen. It was about the size of an egg. I had no pain whatsoever, and that fact made me freeze immediately. Over a decade ago, my brother was diagnosed with testicular cancer. He survived, but the fight was really tough on him. Ever since his ordeal I have checked myself regularly. I always had a feeling that I would share the same fate. I was shivering, scared. I crawled back into bed, but I wasn’t tired anymore. In fact, I didn’t sleep at all. Couldn’t. My mind was racing and nothing could distract me. When my alarm went off a couple hours later, I got up and showered. I checked again in case I was wrong. Nope… still big. Still weird. Still creepy.

My wife Katie was scheduled to go to a conference on the upcoming Sunday. I didn’t want to jeopardize her trip, since it was important for her to go, but I knew better than to ignore a problem like this. I told her what was going on and that morning I made an appointment with my doctor, who could see me the following week. That’s fine, I thought to myself, and then I started obsessing. A week? What if it’s cancer? Could it spread a lot in a week? I picked up the phone at 8 AM, when I knew my doctor’s office was open, and called. I explained the issue and they were able to work me in for that very same day. Phew.

The rest of the day was sort of a blur. I was just waiting for my doctor’s appointment. When he finally saw me that afternoon, he did a thorough exam. He felt no abnormalities, just that it looked like I’d developed a chicken egg, and I confirmed that there was no pain. He asked me if it’s possible that I had some trauma to the area. I thought about it…I do have two little boys who I wrestle daily. Sometimes they are very hurty. It’s super possible, but wouldn’t I remember that? I also had been lifting furniture and moving things as we remodeled a few rooms in our house, but still couldn’t remember a time where I would have injured myself. I told him I guess that it was possible. He said, “Well regardless, I think you’re okay. But let’s do an ultrasound anyway.”

I called Katie to tell her that I was going to have an ultrasound performed. We laughed; it was to happen at the same location where she’s had ultrasounds for our kids. I drove there and listened to the loudest music I could find. It was late afternoon, around 5 PM, and I was sitting in a dark waiting room alone. It felt like I had been there for hours. Finally they took me back for an ultrasound (I will go into details of that at another time) and I was on my way back home.

Remembering what my doctor said, I felt pretty confident in my prognosis. He said it was likely something called “hydrocele,” a condition that develops after trauma, where a testicle is surrounded by fluid. Eventually it will recede and the patient is back to normal pretty quickly. Throughout the weekend I resumed my normal activities. I didn’t give my doctor’s appointment too much thought, honestly, although I did start to develop pain. The egg was HEAVY. I found compression underwear that helped a little. I ordered a jockstrap online. Did you know jockstraps are completely open in the back? I’m no athlete, I had no idea. Anyway, I was desperate for relief, butt cover or not.

Unexpectedly on Sunday night, my wife’s plans changed and she was no longer needed to go on the work conference. That was a blessing in disguise, or divine intervention, or whatever you’d like to call it. She was meant to be there with me. Because the next day, I received a phone call that changed my entire life.