I love people.

People are great!

This morning I am sitting here alone at home, resting on the couch, and my mind is racing. The same thing happened yesterday, and it was awful. I am running low on medicine for pain (they didn’t give me much – understandably because of the opioid crisis – but still…NOT FUN). So yesterday I was really hurting. I was also, full disclosure, a weepy mess. I couldn’t stop thinking about the things I’m unable to do, or the things I really want to do, even as simple as picking up my kids to hug them or chase them around the house. I was even mourning that I couldn’t empty the cat litter box or take out the trash. All day long I was in excruciating pain, and Advil/Tylenol seemed to have no effect. Needless to say, it was not the best day.

But today my mind is racing in a GOOD way. I am taking time to think of all the people who have reached out to me so far with words or gifts or just their time. And there are so many. I’m also remembering the groundwork that I unassumingly laid, even up until last week, that has allowed me to truly appreciate and accept the kindness coming my way.

During the season of Lent, I decided to give up alcohol. But very quickly, like 2 days in, I realized that I didn’t actually really consume much alcohol, so it didn’t really feel like a sacrifice. I had to do something else. What I landed on was taking a moment every day to write to a different person who I am connected to on Facebook. To make this happen, I figured out that I could export a .CSV file of all my friends and strip out all duplicates or those who had already passed on. Now that I had a list, I needed to figure out how to tackle it.

I decided that I would lay out some ground rules for myself. Those rules were:
1. Choose a person at random
2. Write to them about a positive memory
3. Send a word of encouragement
4. Don’t skip anyone, regardless of how awkward it may be

Using a random number generator on Google, I put myself to work. Right out of the gate I landed on a person who I had many good memories with, but it had been over a decade since we’d last spoken. A decade! How does that happen? The fears started creeping in. Is this weird? Am I going to make people feel uncomfortable by writing to them just out of the blue? Are they going to think I am trying to scam them (spoiler: some people did believe I was “hacked”)? But I had made a commitment and I was going to see it through.

Thankfully, my first person was Camellia Jones, who is one of the nicest people I have ever met. She accepted my message so kindly, and she wrote back encouragement that I didn’t know that I needed. It was great to reconnect and see how our lives have changed over time. I felt like my experiment was off to a good start. As I continued on, I found that most people were accepting the messages and enjoying them. Who would have imagined that people like compliments? Many times I would get a simple “thank you” reply, which is understandable since everyone isn’t as wordy as me, but on some occasions I would get a short essay reply. Those I savored. I would wait until I had a chance to retreat to my car, or at night when everyone was asleep, and I would read them. I would let my mind remember what was in the text. It was a wonderful feeling, and it kept me fueled to continue writing people.

I would find occasionally that people happened to be going through a tough time, and they would tell me my message came at the perfect moment. I heard about their problems and their deep thoughts. Others would tell me some truths about myself that I didn’t know. On occasion I’d learn from someone that I was thought of as “weird” in school, but not a bad weird. All of these things were fascinating to me.

As Lent came to a close, I was not done. I had maybe 900 people on my list total and I wanted to keep going. So I did. But I was manic – I would write 3 or 4 people per day. My messages were long, they were detailed, they were exhausting. Eventually I’d burn out and wait a week or so, then pick it up again. I was continuing to write people even up until just before I got sick. I will probably write more about these experiences in the future – there were lots of lessons learned in just talking plainly with people.

I believe that my project prepared me to be able to accept the kindness that I’m experiencing right now. Since I told people about my cancer diagnosis, I have been receiving love from so many. I have had friends come and sit with me, just to talk or play a video game with me to distract me. They’ve brought me food. My coworkers sent me a gift basket full of health-conscious treats. And not to mention the family and friends who are long distance that call, text, or even just send memes to cheer me up. Katie has been so incredible, handling the boys and serving me without a single complaint. Any moment that I’ve been at my lowest, I feel like someone senses it and reaches out to me. I don’t always feel like I deserve the treatment, but I am thankful.

I love people.